My favorite duck joke: three friends are in a car that wrecks, and they all die. When they get to heaven, they are taken to a place that is like a wetland, and filled with ducks. The angel tells them, "wait here, and whatever you do, don't step on any ducks!"
First guy is the FAFO type, so he immediately kicks a canvasback to see what happens. The angel appears with two more angels, and they have a horrible beast on a chain, which they attach to the first guy. He is taken away screaming while the angel says, "I told you not to step on any ducks!"
The other two guys are scared witless now, so they try their best not to move around too much. After what seems like days or weeks, but might have only been hours, the second guy gets tired and tries to lie down in the marsh. Well, there's so many ducks everywhere, he inadvertently mashes a mallard. The three angels come back, with another horrible beast on a chain. Despite the guy's protest that it was an accident, he's hauled away while the angel repeats, "I told you not to step on any ducks!"
The third guy is now desperate. He's so determined not to bother any ducks, he stands still for what seems like ages. Ducks now perch on his head and shoulders, his back and hair is filled with duck poo, and he's mentally and physically exhausted. Finally, the three angels appear and they clamp a chain around his neck. The marsh flashes and changes a bit, the guy can tell he's no longer in the same place but it looks similar. The angels bring him over to a beautiful lady, and chain her neck to the guy's. He says, "wonder what I did to deserve this?" and the lady replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
). Filled the bird feeder this morning and those little twerps are having a party today! At one point, there were 6 of them on the feeder and one hanging off the hummingbird feeder* waiting his turn to squeeze in. It looks like 3 different types of birds, but totally can't be sure of it 
