Anyone have a child that is a talented athlete?

[temptresstoo]

I need some advice.

As some people know, I have a kid that is a runner. Both track and cross country. She's now a HS freshmen and she's already getting some recruitment attention. She's repeatedly said that she IS interested in running in college and trains six days a week to back that up.

But...she's also 14, and boy are there distractions. She wavers between being an athlete, one of the best in the state (3rd in varsity overall at state and a pre-season Top 15 team member), and wanting the "teen life" of cell phones and sleepovers. She'll ask to do xyz, and I'll say, "no, you have a meet the next morning, you'll be exhausted." And I know this from experience, she wanted to do xyz and I said ok, meet the next morning and she had a subpar performance...to which she got all upset. Running is now a love-hate activity.

A lot of this I know is immaturity. I've told her that when she's an adult, she will look back on what she did with her talent and either smile or feel the regrets of wasting opportunities. We've probably all met people that were really good at a thing and let nonsense get in the way.

There's a fine line between pushing too much or too little. Looking for maybe what helped for you or your kid in a similar situation, maybe not even sports but some other talent.

 

[jjc2009]

Honestly athletics is great at keeping kids away from those distractions. They don’t have time to goof off between school and training/competing.

Kids can also burn out if they push too hard. She should have an off season to just be a kid. I’ve seen a lot of extraordinarily gifted kids utterly resent the sport they’re in by the time they are seniors because the parents pushed them all the time.

 

[SJ76]

Honestly athletics is great at keeping kids away from those distractions. They don’t have time to goof off between school and training/competing.

Kids can also burn out if they push too hard. She should have an off season to just be a kid. I’ve seen a lot of extraordinarily gifted kids utterly resent the sport they’re in by the time they are seniors because the parents pushed them all the time.

Sometimes you get better if you give your mind a break for a little while for sure.

 

[jjc2009]

Sometimes you get better if you give your mind a break for a little while for sure.

One of my teammates was a national caliber swimmer but he always played baseball in the spring/early summer to get out of the pool.

 

[williewilliejuan]

I need some advice.

As some people know, I have a kid that is a runner. Both track and cross country. She's now a HS freshmen and she's already getting some recruitment attention. She's repeatedly said that she IS interested in running in college and trains six days a week to back that up.

But...she's also 14, and boy are there distractions. She wavers between being an athlete, one of the best in the state (3rd in varsity overall at state and a pre-season Top 15 team member), and wanting the "teen life" of cell phones and sleepovers. She'll ask to do xyz, and I'll say, "no, you have a meet the next morning, you'll be exhausted." And I know this from experience, she wanted to do xyz and I said ok, meet the next morning and she had a subpar performance...to which she got all upset. Running is now a love-hate activity.

A lot of this I know is immaturity. I've told her that when she's an adult, she will look back on what she did with her talent and either smile or feel the regrets of wasting opportunities. We've probably all met people that were really good at a thing and let nonsense get in the way.

There's a fine line between pushing too much or too little. Looking for maybe what helped for you or your kid in a similar situation, maybe not even sports but some other talent.

Honestly, it’s up to the kid. My two younger daughters are both gymnasts. Both are State Champions at their levels, but the middle one is at a much higher level than the youngest one will ever be. Both have talent, but the middle one is completely focused and driven whereas the youngest is not.

The middle one practices 32 hours per week and lives/breathes gymnastics to the exclusion of nearly everything else. She attends online school because her practice schedule doesn’t allow for regular school. The youngest doesn’t want that. She practices 9 hours per week and attends regular school. She prefers to have more balance in her life.

I think you have to lay out the options. To be really good requires sacrifice and that isn’t for everyone. That’s ok as well. But if you don’t want to put in the work and make the sacrifice, don’t expect the same results.

 

[Voltaire]

I need some advice.

As some people know, I have a kid that is a runner. Both track and cross country. She's now a HS freshmen and she's already getting some recruitment attention. She's repeatedly said that she IS interested in running in college and trains six days a week to back that up.

But...she's also 14, and boy are there distractions. She wavers between being an athlete, one of the best in the state (3rd in varsity overall at state and a pre-season Top 15 team member), and wanting the "teen life" of cell phones and sleepovers. She'll ask to do xyz, and I'll say, "no, you have a meet the next morning, you'll be exhausted." And I know this from experience, she wanted to do xyz and I said ok, meet the next morning and she had a subpar performance...to which she got all upset. Running is now a love-hate activity.

A lot of this I know is immaturity. I've told her that when she's an adult, she will look back on what she did with her talent and either smile or feel the regrets of wasting opportunities. We've probably all met people that were really good at a thing and let nonsense get in the way.

There's a fine line between pushing too much or too little. Looking for maybe what helped for you or your kid in a similar situation, maybe not even sports but some other talent.

I have a 17 year old granddaughter that is a softball athlete and is getting a lot of interest from colleges (including that fucking ohio state). Like all (or most teenagers), she thinks her parents are dumb, but her older cousin is brilliant and cool. Her parents are feeding the older cousin advice and relaying it to my granddaughter. Good Luck!!

 

[temptresstoo]

Honestly, it’s up to the kid. My two younger daughters are both gymnasts. Both are State Champions at their levels, but the middle one is at a much higher level than the youngest one will ever be. Both have talent, but the middle one is completely focused and driven whereas the youngest is not.

The middle one practices 32 hours per week and lives/breathes gymnastics to the exclusion of nearly everything else. She attends online school because her practice schedule doesn’t allow for regular school. The youngest doesn’t want that. She practices 9 hours per week and attends regular school. She prefers to have more balance in her life.

I think you have to lay out the options. To be really good requires sacrifice and that isn’t for everyone. That’s ok as well. But if you don’t want to put in the work and make the sacrifice, don’t expect the same results.

Do you say anything at all to the younger? Does the middle one push or prod her younger on your behalf?

I'm torn with mine between letting it ride and seeing what growth and maturity brings OR finding her a mentor or even sports psychologist to give her some direction.

 

[temptresstoo]

I have a 17 year old granddaughter that is a softball athlete and is getting a lot of interest from colleges (including that fucking ohio state). Like all (or most teenagers), she thinks her parents are dumb, but her older cousin is brilliant and cool. Her parents are feeding the older cousin advice and relaying it to my granddaughter. Good Luck!!

Wish mine had an older cousin that was quasi useful.

 

[williewilliejuan]

Do you say anything at all to the younger? Does the middle one push or prod her younger on your behalf?

I'm torn with mine between letting it ride and seeing what growth and maturity brings OR finding her a mentor or even sports psychologist to give her some direction.

The middle one tries to encourage the younger one, but she resists it.

The problem is the middle one is really, really good. She also works really, really hard to become good. The younger one is afraid she won’t measure up and so she doesn’t want to be compared to her. She wants to get the awards and the accolades that the middle one gets, but doesn’t want to work as hard. We had to have a sit down with her to discuss it. She ultimately decided she wanted to stay in gymnastics at a lower level, but have more of a normal life. She still gets jealous though.

 

[fordman84]

I need some advice.

As some people know, I have a kid that is a runner. Both track and cross country. She's now a HS freshmen and she's already getting some recruitment attention. She's repeatedly said that she IS interested in running in college and trains six days a week to back that up.

But...she's also 14, and boy are there distractions. She wavers between being an athlete, one of the best in the state (3rd in varsity overall at state and a pre-season Top 15 team member), and wanting the "teen life" of cell phones and sleepovers. She'll ask to do xyz, and I'll say, "no, you have a meet the next morning, you'll be exhausted." And I know this from experience, she wanted to do xyz and I said ok, meet the next morning and she had a subpar performance...to which she got all upset. Running is now a love-hate activity.

A lot of this I know is immaturity. I've told her that when she's an adult, she will look back on what she did with her talent and either smile or feel the regrets of wasting opportunities. We've probably all met people that were really good at a thing and let nonsense get in the way.

There's a fine line between pushing too much or too little. Looking for maybe what helped for you or your kid in a similar situation, maybe not even sports but some other talent.

Push too much and she will quit. It is a fine line and I don't mean to be a jerk but if she is truly and elite athlete and wants to stay there then her priorities will change. I have this talk with my son all the time. If he wants to be great, he has to put in the work. If he just wants to be above average then the genetics lottery he hit will get him there. It's all about priorities, and if the kids priority is to be the best then they won't worry about hanging out at a party.

But if you push the kid, they will quit whatever they are good at. I see it every year.

 

[Fish]

Wish mine had an older cousin that was quasi useful.

Older cousins are good for getting weed and beer, teaching younger cousins about weed and beer.

 

[temptresstoo]

Push too much and she will quit. It is a fine line and I don't mean to be a jerk but if she is truly and elite athlete and wants to stay there then her priorities will change. I have this talk with my son all the time. If he wants to be great, he has to put in the work. If he just wants to be above average then the genetics lottery he hit will get him there. It's all about priorities, and if the kids priority is to be the best then they won't worry about hanging out at a party.

But if you push the kid, they will quit whatever they are good at. I see it every year.

That makes sense. I want to support her and do the right thing. Trying to find the right amount of "let's talk about" when a practice or meet is finished. Perhaps she doesn't want to talk about it at all.

Was hoping to get some feedback from some that had kids succeed through this gauntlet all the way to college and beyond successfully and what little or much they did or wish they'd done.

 

[fordman84]

That makes sense. I want to support her and do the right thing. Trying to find the right amount of "let's talk about" when a practice or meet is finished. Perhaps she doesn't want to talk about it at all.

Was hoping to get some feedback from some that had kids succeed through this gauntlet all the way to college and beyond successfully and what little or much they did or wish they'd done.

Does she do any training or lessons with anyone with "skins on the wall"? That's the only thing that gets through to my son, his pitching coach has a World Series ring and YouTube videos of him pitching in it. Every month or so he will spend about 5 minutes talking life lessons, dedication, taking care of himself, and all that extra stuff that has nothing to do with throwing or hitting hard.

 

[Peter Gozintite]

The middle one tries to encourage the younger one, but she resists it.

The problem is the middle one is really, really good. She also works really, really hard to become good. The younger one is afraid she won’t measure up and so she doesn’t want to be compared to her. She wants to get the awards and the accolades that the middle one gets, but doesn’t want to work as hard. We had to have a sit down with her to discuss it. She ultimately decided she wanted to stay in gymnastics at a lower level, but have more of a normal life. She still gets jealous though.

We had the same dynamic. Middle daughter was driven, and worked at it all the time. Youngest is a goofball, and doesn't take much too seriously. She cares about her grades and future, never gave a shit about gymnastics for anything other than having fun.

Support kids in anything they have interest in, and give them an avenue to do other things. Don't push too hard in any direction.

 

[temptresstoo]

Does she do any training or lessons with anyone with "skins on the wall"? That's the only thing that gets through to my son, his pitching coach has a World Series ring and YouTube videos of him pitching in it. Every month or so he will spend about 5 minutes talking life lessons, dedication, taking care of himself, and all that extra stuff that has nothing to do with throwing or hitting hard.

Her coach was a DI distance runner and has coached a few scholarship athletes. He knows what he is doing, but he’s also kinda in the same boat as her parents… A mentor of upper HS or low college would be a good thing. I sent her to XC camp over the summer and her councilor was a collegiate athlete, that seemed to have inspired her.

 

[Kburjr]

I need some advice.

As some people know, I have a kid that is a runner. Both track and cross country. She's now a HS freshmen and she's already getting some recruitment attention. She's repeatedly said that she IS interested in running in college and trains six days a week to back that up.

But...she's also 14, and boy are there distractions. She wavers between being an athlete, one of the best in the state (3rd in varsity overall at state and a pre-season Top 15 team member), and wanting the "teen life" of cell phones and sleepovers. She'll ask to do xyz, and I'll say, "no, you have a meet the next morning, you'll be exhausted." And I know this from experience, she wanted to do xyz and I said ok, meet the next morning and she had a subpar performance...to which she got all upset. Running is now a love-hate activity.

A lot of this I know is immaturity. I've told her that when she's an adult, she will look back on what she did with her talent and either smile or feel the regrets of wasting opportunities. We've probably all met people that were really good at a thing and let nonsense get in the way.

There's a fine line between pushing too much or too little. Looking for maybe what helped for you or your kid in a similar situation, maybe not even sports but some other talent.

Since this is on the Philosophy forum, I just give my life opinion. Your girl is 14. She should be exploring options of life. With experience being the best teacher, her success or failure as an athlete is in her hands. Whether she is a success or failure in running has no bearing on being a success or failure as a person.

 

[Wild Turkey]

Do you say anything at all to the younger? Does the middle one push or prod her younger on your behalf?

I'm torn with mine between letting it ride and seeing what growth and maturity brings OR finding her a mentor or even sports psychologist to give her some direction.

If the kid is mentally healthy then skip the psychologist idea as that will probably backfire.

She’s 14 so they change friends every year, they change their ideas everyday and all you can do is list pros and cons while letting them make the decision.

For what it’s worth most kids I know that got sports scholarships ended up hating it because they own your ass. If her grades are good then let her decide everything else (unless it’s bad behavior) and everything will work out. Grades are what matter.

My youngest was a great soccer goalie but got bored with it switched to. Volleyball and at the Coast Guard Academy decided to walk onto the offshore sailing team (with no experience) and loves it.

Teach your kid how to evaluate situations, how to make decisions and keep them accountable and everything will work out. Everything else is secondary.