My 86 year old mother-in-law passed yesterday.
My wife and I (mainly my wife) had provided her daily care for over a year. Her cancer returned and made her life quite difficult, so after her last stint in the hospital we moved her into one of the extra bedrooms we have. She was colostomied years ago and required a foley full-time after her discharge from the hospital. My wife would fix every meal for her, would come home on her lunch break, etc. My wife is an angel and a saint and why she stays with me I'll never understand.
She was full-blooded Cherokee. She was forced into "boarding school" as a child. She had 2 sons and 5 daughters. She worked tirelessly at a "real" job for many years, simultaneously caring for all her children "old school" style. She lost her husband over 35 years ago, and lived as a widow for the remainder of her life. She helped care for many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, teaching them about their Native heritage and some of the language and "old ways". She was a devout Christian and loved going to Gaither Vocal Band concerts and any/all Pow-Wows that we could get her to.
When my wife and I started dating, she didn't care much for me. "Why don't you find a native to marry?" she would ask my future wife, to which my wife would reply "I can't find one that isn't a drug addict, alcoholic, or cheater!". It wasn't easy earning her respect and admiration, but I worked tirelessly to get her to accept me. She had many "outmoded sensibilities", and I was able to help her understand that most of them were wrong. She lived much of her retirement in an apartment complex near the biggest mall here in Tulsa and would frequently complain about all the "Mexicans" that lived there...one day I told her "You know, those people from Mexico and further south are actually like a cousin to you and all North American native tribes. They are just from a slightly different area and speak a different language." She appreciated my input and admitted that she hadn't ever really thought of that. I was able to get her to reconsider her other prejudices as well...including white people like me.
I learned a lot from her as well. I'm thankful that I was able to assist in her having a great end-of-life experience instead of being stuck in some nursing home where good/compassionate care wasn't guaranteed.
Rest now. Your job here is done. You were loved so much and will be missed so much. Osiyo!
My wife and I (mainly my wife) had provided her daily care for over a year. Her cancer returned and made her life quite difficult, so after her last stint in the hospital we moved her into one of the extra bedrooms we have. She was colostomied years ago and required a foley full-time after her discharge from the hospital. My wife would fix every meal for her, would come home on her lunch break, etc. My wife is an angel and a saint and why she stays with me I'll never understand.
She was full-blooded Cherokee. She was forced into "boarding school" as a child. She had 2 sons and 5 daughters. She worked tirelessly at a "real" job for many years, simultaneously caring for all her children "old school" style. She lost her husband over 35 years ago, and lived as a widow for the remainder of her life. She helped care for many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, teaching them about their Native heritage and some of the language and "old ways". She was a devout Christian and loved going to Gaither Vocal Band concerts and any/all Pow-Wows that we could get her to.
When my wife and I started dating, she didn't care much for me. "Why don't you find a native to marry?" she would ask my future wife, to which my wife would reply "I can't find one that isn't a drug addict, alcoholic, or cheater!". It wasn't easy earning her respect and admiration, but I worked tirelessly to get her to accept me. She had many "outmoded sensibilities", and I was able to help her understand that most of them were wrong. She lived much of her retirement in an apartment complex near the biggest mall here in Tulsa and would frequently complain about all the "Mexicans" that lived there...one day I told her "You know, those people from Mexico and further south are actually like a cousin to you and all North American native tribes. They are just from a slightly different area and speak a different language." She appreciated my input and admitted that she hadn't ever really thought of that. I was able to get her to reconsider her other prejudices as well...including white people like me.
I learned a lot from her as well. I'm thankful that I was able to assist in her having a great end-of-life experience instead of being stuck in some nursing home where good/compassionate care wasn't guaranteed.
Rest now. Your job here is done. You were loved so much and will be missed so much. Osiyo!
