Today is a messed up day for me. I stayed up past 4am, I got up around 10 and then I just woke up again about an hour ago.
I have to get mentally prepared for Saturday. In case I don't get more material for my project, I can NOT get upset about it.
I locked eyes with my Bunny a couple days ago and told her EXACTLY what I was feeling and planning. And I wasn't angry and I didn't raise my voice. It was intense. I told her we haven't been in a romantic relationship since over 5 months ago. I told her I wish Dr. Dean was my girl friend because you sure aren't. Dr. Dean has a crush on me anyway and she is SO SO nice to me!
With Bunny the best I can expect is indifference. Contempt and disdain is all too common. I told Bunny the most important thing in my life right now is finishing that wall project. And that's not true. Fixing my relationship with Bunny is #1. I also told Bunny as soon as I can save a couple grand that I am moving.
And I actually think something might have clicked with her after that intense encounter.
Because I AM doing the things she said I needed to do, I am and in the process of making amends with my son and I sought help for my behaviour problems with Dr. Dean. Dr. Dean, she made me so nervous a couple visits ago. We meet virtual and she just kep staring at me all happy and smiling and she dint say no words! I will tell you what. I am putty in her hands.
Dr. Dean did some entry level meditation with me and I LOVED it! I told her, well except for the awareness of breathing, I do that all the time, it's called Day Dreaming! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!