You know when you're getting old when...

When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and have sex" knowing good and damned well that you can do only one or the other.
 
ear hair
questionable farts
body parts hurt for no reason
and i made a new sound this weekend
 
...when your birthday candles cost more than the cake!
 
ear hair
questionable farts
body parts hurt for no reason
and i made a new sound this weekend

i'm already starting to notice random hairs coming from my ear, and i tell ya, i simply won't allow it. i don't care if i have to trim/pluck that shit on a daily basis, i refuse to be ear-hair guy
 
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your retirement goals are met and you've caught fish in 39 states.
 
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