Under the Porch with the Guide Bear!

Listen Friends, my Mom is still with us and I visited her yesterday and she still is in good spirits! So it could be any day or I wouldn't be surprised if this could go on for days into weeks.

So yesterday my host family threw a party for Random passing the bar exam and about, including children, 40 guests showed up.

NOT a drop of alcohol! So when High Bishop Two Canes made a dramatic entrance, by golly, he blessed the party and then announced he left his bible in his motorcycle-hearse ... He went to get it, supposedly, and he didn't come back!
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Black Mass Begins Now, AKA Bitch-Fest about my Ass Hole Know-it-All, great big loud mouth Alpha Male brother Dojo!

1. When my plane landed in Cleveland a Delta employee escorted me from the plane all the way to the gate or door to be picked up by a vehicle. Simple enough and straight forward, you would think... not for my A-Whole Bro, oh Hell no!

Okay, so A-Whole texts me he's running late. No biggie to me at all, it's not like I'm catching a flight. He was over an hour late and he calls me and says, I'm here, where are you? I say, I'm at such an such door, where I told you I was. And then he says, You're at the WRONG place! So I says, no Joe, you are at the WRONG place, and I tried to explain how an airport employee put me here and the fuck head hung up on me like a little bitch! I swear to some God I felt like flying right back to Atlanta but I stayed.

2. Fringe Right Wing total A-Whole Dojo, he asked me what Amantha does for work. I tole 'eem she is a trauma nurse at City, he says, oh, ya mean an ER nurse? I say no, a TRAUMA nurse, they use a different fucking doorway than the ER! And then he says, it's the same thing.
And he always ends up making me feel like shit! And I REALLY REALLY don't like feces! Angry Guide Bear!

3. And when he was just a little Ass Hole, he was a fucking fire bug! It was the summer I turned 5, Jr. Dojo was starting small fires with a magnifying glass all over the place outside and he told my Dad that I did it. I was never a fire bug like him. Anyway, right across Kenmore Blvd. was the Fire Station and my Dad marched me over there and the Fire Chief gave me hell and he used cuss words and it scared me in a bad way, this cat was frightening! When he was a 13 year old Ass Hole, him and his buddies started a fire in a vacant house in the neighborhood and it caused major damage to the structure. He didn't get caught and I NEVER snitched on him about anything.

4. When me an my twin bro were 10 or 11, spring time, Dojo was into fishing and he loved fishing lures. Well after church one Sunday, our parents either dropped us off or took us to K-Mart where Dojo unsuccessfully trained us to shoplift lures for him. All three of us got caught and as we were being escorted, scared to death, to the office or whatever, that clever Ass Hole Dojo was able to ditch his loot and only me an Pete got busted!

5. I was a rotten kid without Joe's help, don't get me wrong. When I was 15 I used to like to skip school and sneak my Mom's car out of the garage and go for a ride all by my lonesome! SO FUN! Anyway, I'm going down a longish hill and gravity is making me go faster than I anticipated and on the passenger side, I sideswiped a mail box and put a huge crease along the passenger side of the AMC Hornet Wagon. A man behind me in a Corvette started following me! Now I am shitting my pants so to speak!

This was when they were blasting the sand stone formations away to make room to build Rolling Acres Mall. I drove right in there, on to the access roads for the heavy equipment like I was a worker or some shit and that cunt in the Vette thought twice about getting involved and let it go.

So I snuck the Hornet back in the garage and kep my mouth shut. Now remember the damage is on the passenger side. That weekend my mom took the Hornet to the Groby and when she came out of the store, it was the FIRST time she saw the damage. She was convinced that some jerk sideswiped her car in the parking lot and drove off! I got away with it! Or so I thought at the time... I shared everything with Dojo as kids and I told him the entire story thinking I have his trust.

Fast forward 4 years, I'm now 19 and stationed in Germany in the Army and I miss my dysfunctional family like Crazy! And so at Christmas time I sent a huge bunch of presents to everybody in my family. So my understanding is on Christmas Day they are all sharing 'Parka' stories...

Guess, I fucking DARE you to guess which story my ASS Hole brother DoJo told! He snitched me out about the crease down the side of the Hornet and my Mom was not pleased with me.

And I'm just scratching the surface of Dojo's Ass Holery...
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Oh crap. I had to leave my Host family tonight and I'm in a hotel, Hotel 8 to be specific.

Random the new lawyer is a real life flat earther.
My ass hole brother joe, he's fucking pro Russian in the war in Europe so I left his house fully disgusted with him, only to be with Random who is so far out, constantly in my ear, by the time he got to Holocaust denial, just today, I had enough.

One thing Joe and Random have in common, they both can NOT stop talking about the sexuality of other people, of people they will never meet, and they are fucking consumed with this hatred. It makes me sick!

It's my life and if I don't want to spend another moment or night, it's my decision to remove myself from that hatred. There was no fighting or yelling, I told Amantha I want to leave now.

She is fucking pissed! She guilted the fuck outta me too, with her babies.

So tomorrow I'm going to see my Mom again if I can arrange it and then make my way to Cleveland to the Airport. I'm on an adventure and there's a train in Akron that if it goes to Cleveland, that's the way I want to go, on the god damn train!
 
Parka said:
Oh crap. I had to leave my Host family tonight and I'm in a hotel, Hotel 8 to be specific.

Random the new lawyer is a real life flat earther.
My ass hole brother joe, he's fucking pro Russian in the war in Europe so I left his house fully disgusted with him, only to be with Random who is so far out, constantly in my ear, by the time he got to Holocaust denial, just today, I had enough.

One thing Joe and Random have in common, they both can NOT stop talking about the sexuality of other people, of people they will never meet, and they are fucking consumed with this hatred. It makes me sick!

It's my life and if I don't want to spend another moment or night, it's my decision to remove myself from that hatred. There was no fighting or yelling, I told Amantha I want to leave now.

She is fucking pissed! She guilted the fuck outta me too, with her babies.

So tomorrow I'm going to see my Mom again if I can arrange it and then make my way to Cleveland to the Airport. I'm on an adventure and there's a train in Akron that if it goes to Cleveland, that's the way I want to go, on the god damn train!
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Sorry to hear your trip hasnt gone the way you hoped.
 
Parka said:
Oh crap. I had to leave my Host family tonight and I'm in a hotel, Hotel 8 to be specific.

Random the new lawyer is a real life flat earther.
My ass hole brother joe, he's fucking pro Russian in the war in Europe so I left his house fully disgusted with him, only to be with Random who is so far out, constantly in my ear, by the time he got to Holocaust denial, just today, I had enough.

One thing Joe and Random have in common, they both can NOT stop talking about the sexuality of other people, of people they will never meet, and they are fucking consumed with this hatred. It makes me sick!

It's my life and if I don't want to spend another moment or night, it's my decision to remove myself from that hatred. There was no fighting or yelling, I told Amantha I want to leave now.

She is fucking pissed! She guilted the fuck outta me too, with her babies.

So tomorrow I'm going to see my Mom again if I can arrange it and then make my way to Cleveland to the Airport. I'm on an adventure and there's a train in Akron that if it goes to Cleveland, that's the way I want to go, on the god damn train!
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You did the right thing Parka. You don't need all that drama in your life.
 
Peter Gozintite said:
Sorry to hear your trip hasnt gone the way you hoped.
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The visiting my Mom went good. I saw her again today and she still knows me.

However, going home to Bunny, even if it is in the dog house fully clothed, that is so SO Effin much better than the places I stayed in Ohio...

You guys have NO idea how happy I will be to be at the top of My Bunny's shit list!

And btw friends, I'm pretty sure Dr. Green Been caught wind of my uh, my ongoing attraction to my Bunny and that is playing a part in Dr. Green Been ending our budding relationship. These things happen.

So I got to the airport this morning 10ish am Eastern, (not EASTERN AIRLINES!) and I will be shit, I am still here! It's because my flight doesn't leave until tomorrow morning, 10:07am Eastern, so I'm spending the night in the Airport!

It's actually one of the lamest adventures I ever went on!
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Parka said:
The visiting my Mom went good. I saw her again today and she still knows me.

However, going home to Bunny, even if it is in the dog house fully clothed, that is so SO Effin much better than the places I stayed in Ohio...

You guys have NO idea how happy I will be to be at the top of My Bunny's shit list!

And btw friends, I'm pretty sure Dr. Green Been caught wind of my uh, my ongoing attraction to my Bunny and that is playing a part in Dr. Green Been ending our budding relationship. These things happen.

So I got to the airport this morning 10ish am Eastern, (not EASTERN AIRLINES!) and I will be shit, I am still here! It's because my flight doesn't leave until tomorrow morning, 10:07am Eastern, so I'm spending the night in the Airport!

It's actually one of the lamest adventures I ever went on!
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Hang in there buddy. You’ll be back home before you know it.
 
High! Friends! Listen to this and then I will show you something to look at!

1. Fish Tank. It is the best! I used to make these cool pre-filters out of different sized plastic bottles and even the 2 liter pop bottles were getting collapsed by the suction from the pump and so for the past 6 or 8 weeks I just used a big coarse sponge which works great, however, as a hobby, my hobby junkie has needs too so I bought this dedicated small pond filter to use as a pre filter for my pump and the Under Gravel filter design that I copied. The thing is working beyond excellence, maybe it's the plants too, whatever it is, that water is clear and pristine, is it ever! New Pics on the Morrow of my Choosing, AKA, at my earliest convenience!
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Hi Friends and Good Morning! The Daily thread ain't up yet so I'm just poppin in to say hey! I will be (sea) horsing around with my aquarium today, I also revised my list by order of importance...

1. @Crew Life
2. Bunny
2a. Fish Tank
3. The Fruit of Mine & Bunny's Loins, AKA our sorta lazy son
3.2. Coffee & Delta 8
4. Country
5. Dr. Green Been
6. The weather, it's gorgeous outside!
7. Donuts, (Boston Creme & Apple Fritter)
8. High Bishop Two Canes
9.
10.
11. A God of some sort! (AKA Still undecided)

Also, I still want to share my Airport stories, I have a solid handful of stories at the Port with @Parka !!!
 
Good evening Friends! My favorite Port story, it is a bit of a dorfy feel good story! Sometimes strangers take a shine to the Guide Bear, I can't help that, it can't be helped. And 'parently, they can't neither! You Guys remember that show, Little House on the Prairie? It was like if Lil John Boy had a bum leg and had to go to the airport.

Here's how it happened. My flight landed in Atlanta from Cleve. Well at the airport are dozens of people that can't walk long distances so the airlines have special wheelchairs for these people and then airline employees escort these people from the plane to the terminal and it's quite a haul. The escort I was assigned too, these guys, and some women too, that escort the wheelchairs, it is a very busy task for them, just as soon as they drop a party, another party is waiting, that sort of thing.

Well my escort, he was pushing TWO at the same time and he asked me if I can propel myself and I said, oh hell yes, so he's like, follow me! So I started calling him Captain, and Captain takes off going super fast! So I'm bustin my chops to keep up and it's actually pretty fun chasing the Captain down the walkway. And he occasionally shouts out to those in front of him to make way, and I'm like, you get 'em, Captain! I even tole the two women he was pushing, I said, You're in Good Hands with the Captain! Anyway, I'm just having a good time keeping up with the Captain and then we made it to the train.

The train is where another airport employee, I thought it was another Delta employee but nope, she told the Captain she would take over for me. I think she saw me having more fun than everyone else and she wanted some too, I think that's what happened!

So this friendly Lass escorted me the rest of the way to the terminal and kept me company for over a half hour until her huband came to get her. Her name is Dee and she's a flight attendant for SouthWest. She really took to me and when it was time for her to leave she asked if she give me a hug! It was so sweet, it just was!


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My next story took place in Cleveland, at the gate for the flight. My flight is still about 3 hours before boarding so I am in no hurry at all.
The Golden Rule. Why is it so HARD to remember???

I was last in line to see the gate agent. There was a couple with the agent, another woman standing 6 feet back, so I also was 6 feet behind her, social distance... so there is only three in the line... and some young man just cuts RIGHT in front of me and with normal demeanor I announced that I am in line. He was a well dressed decent looking person. He didn't get rude but his response was odd and almost bizarre, no apology just some weird rambling. So I turned my crazy eyes on, only to about 2 or maybe 3 and I asked him if he was in line too? By now he is moving behind me but still talking silly so I cranked Crazy Eyes up to 4 or 5 and I says, "So howz that workin out for ya????

The flight was booked and he was hoping to work a way on. About the Golden Rule, I coulda let him cut and it would not have a made a difference in my life. I also thought it would be good to let him cut and then shout out to the full waiting/seating area, "This jerk just cut in front of me and I'm a Clumsy Cripple Crumpled up in a Wheelchair!
 
Hey, Good morning Dummies! I just got up (fully clothed!) and um, what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna get me some coffee and come back here and Worship my ASS right OFF! I ain't hardly got me no ass anyways so it should Worship off with little effort, how very exciting!
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It's Sunday Morning and I have a Problem. The no good gall dang web site where I make/combine pictures to enhance the experience of the Worship, it won't work for me anymore and it really does bother the fuck out of me!

A good time IS being denied... because of that problem. As a renowned and clever problem solver, maybe I can find a new web site to do that stuff. The thing is, I tried that a bunch of times and I can't find shit that I can make work.
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What I can tell you though, in the Good News category, High Bishop II Canes is on a Holy Roll! After @Parka & Guide Bear flew back to Atlanta, II Canes stayed in Ohio and opened up another Bible Study Store in Canton, Ohio, located right across the street from the NFL Hall of Fame. The High Bishop has damn good 'Business Sense' about 'eem too!

Any God Damn way, the High Bishop named his new store, 'The Holy Club' and the business model and the Motto too, it's called 'Grounded in Spirituality' and it is a 180 degree from his business model in the Bible Belt where the Cloud Nine stores have become a Southern Sensation destined to compete with Chic Filet, since after all, Cloud Nine stores are ALL open on EVERY Sunday.

The Motto for the Cloud Nine stores is, 'Bible Study with Benefits' and 'parently it's paying off because II Canes has become a
Super High Holy Roller, ya gotta see this cat's wardrobe! IN fucking SANE!
 
I lost my mouse in Ohio and now I can only give 'likes', I can't give any other reaction score until I get another mouse. Yes, it is another problem and as we all are aware, Under the Porch is where I share! It's what's for dinner and it's what the fuck I do for breakfast!

Good Times Shan't EVER be Denied Under the Porch! And it's all rainy and shitty outside, I plan on hanging Under the Porch as long as I like!
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I have another Brother Joe is an Ass Whole story and this one happened just yesterday! I'm telling ya, if yins ain't yet convinced, any gall dang way, this one is delicious! He 'Apologized' to me, for hanging up on me at my arrival in Cleveland...

Joe and I have very different personalities, he is suspicious of others, he is not a trusting soul, he is self righteous and a Know-it-All and he will spin spin spin... And he is Pro Russian and he sympathizes with those creeps that stormed the Capitol Building on Jan. 6.

I really want to share his entire apology and my response because I have way more faith & kindness & love in my heart for many of my Hoop friends and if A-Whole Joe wasn't family I wouldn't want anything to do with him and his hateful worldview.
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So anyway, what happened was, after I got back home to Ga. I got a text from Joe's wife asking me what's up and I explained the situation trying to get along with a very intelligent Flat Earther, Moon Landing Denier, Random also claims the Sandy Hook school massacre is simply a hoax by our govt, and the final straw for me was his denial of the Holocaust. And this person Random, he just passed the Ohio Bar Exam!

So I tole Joe's wife how Joe treated me at the Airport Arrival, he lives 20 to 30 minutes from Cleve-Hopkins yet he was almost an hour late and he showed up at the wrong pick-up area, blamed ME for being in the wrong place and hung up on me when I suggested it was he who was in the wrong area.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 'Apology' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm sorry I hung up the phone on you. To the best of my knowledge that's the only time in decades that I've been rude to you. Before you decide to stay angry forever, can you say the same?

For me at least your last trip got off on the wrong foot when You told me you had a one-way ticket and I asked how long you plan to stay and you said, as long as I want. I was going to tell you that it's not OK to invite yourself somewhere and then say that you would stay as long as you wanted but decided to set a time frame myself, but it was very offputting I have to be honest. Two weeks is a long time to have a house guest but with mom dying that is definitely extenuating circumstances and I assumed you would want to visit her every day, like Leah and I do. As far as I know as soon as you went to Amanda's it was the last time you went to see mom.

While you were here, every single time you wanted a ride either I took you or Leah or Belle will give you a ride. I broke out the dope for you even if I wasn't smoking, I broke out the booze for you when I wasn't drinking and every time I made something to eat I made some for you if you wanted. When things went south at Amanda's I don't understand why you didn't come back to my house and go see mom every day. But that wasn't my choice to make.

I just visited mom and she is getting weak and she thinks the water is bad told me not to drink it... She told me to be real quiet because something is wrong and I told her nothing is wrong. This is definitely getting depressing.
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I nailed it with my response. Please allow several long moments as I saunter about in search of a coffee refill! BRB!
 
Holy Shit, Friends! It's a day later after my response and I'm, um, I'm at odds with my self because I really wanted to go super sarcastic... at the very least! I wanted to rip his 'Apology' apart and play right in to his way of thinking... So I did the opposite like I learned from George on Seinfeld!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Response ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apology ACCEPTED! I guess when I said I was staying as long as I wanted you assumed it would be at your house. My fault for not letting you know I had other plans.

Thank you for your hospitality, I know I was only there for a couple days but you did make me feel at home and you and the fam took good care of me.

To let you know I did see Mom every day or every other day. I don't know why you thought I would stop seeing Mom just because I left your house though. She is a big reason I went to Ohio.

I know it's depressing, I'm feeling it too. Thanks for reaching out
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Okay friends, it might be a bit heavy but uh, yeah, .... Joe KNEW my plan was to spend only the weekend at his frigid and dark house, the fuckin ass hole really does keep his house Dog Shit Dark! Because it's so fucking UGLY! And he is too cheap to turn the heat on in early spring when it still SUCKS ice in Ohio!
 
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