Early Tuesday Thread

Fisting my wife last night and our oldest walked in. She was all like "what are you doing to mom?" So I had to lie and say "mommies having a baby". Now I have to kidnap an infant or she'll know I lied. Parenting is hard I tell ya.
Did you happen to find my wallet? I think I left it in there.
 
I consider that non answer as acknowledging the stealth humblebrag
humblebrag?

because I am buying lobsters for Christmas dinner?

let me tell you about my talking bike...
 
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That was such a funny tirade.

I'm forty and a half!
 
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