Just sharing cause it made me chortle

@parkahas fallen on hard times, and fish prices have not been exempt from inflation.

 
Chances are, you've never put much thought into your cocktail order. But have you ever wondered what the bartender is thinking when you ask for that spicy margarita or extra dirty martini? Well, redditor u/invertedparadX said, "Reply with your drink of choice and a bartender will tell you what it says about you; what is your drink?" Here's how bartenders stereotype different popular drink orders.

1.Jack and Coke: "You're a traditionalist, and as the night goes on you tend to increase the amount of Jack while cutting back on the Coke."
Warner Bros Pictures—u/ReiEvangel

2.A Manhattan: "A very respectable order. A classy drink that is easy to make. You know cocktails but you aren’t going to make things overly difficult."—u/jgilbert682

3.A fruity beer: "You're a girl who wants to impress her boyfriend but don't actually like beer."
20th Century Studios—cckj00n

4.Craft hard cider: "You're a woman in a comfortable, long-term relationship who got a babysitter for the evening (but you're not saying out too late!)"—u/peoplewholook

5.Malibu and pineapple juice: "You tend to cry after your second drink."—u/Lower_H8r_ese

6.Vodka soda with cranberry: "You care about calories more than your wallet and haven't yet met a Cosmopolitan."—u/Speakeasy9

7.Long Island iced tea: "You're a college student trying to get drunk as quickly as possible."
New Line Cinema—u/waitingfordeathhbu

8.Mimosa: "You’re wearing a maxi dress and full makeup. You exude luxury, but might have to check your bank accounts before choosing which credit card to pay your bill with. You will Venmo request $3.89 from each of your friends who ate off the shared plate that you ordered. By the second round, you’ll be speaking at 150% the volume of the next loudest patron. Or you’re in your early 20s and will tell your friends 'it doesn’t count as day drinking if it’s brunch!' You’ll all laugh; one of you will be puking by 4 p.m."
—u/livaudais

9.Whiskey sour: "A good and savvy choice for making a cheap whiskey taste nice."
Grey Goose—u/Speakeasy

10.Amaretto sour: "You probably are the one to hold your friends' hair back when they're puking at the end of the night."
—u/speakeasy9

11.Cosmopolitan: "You're almost certainly a pain in the ass."
HBO—u/thatguyfromnewyork

12.Dark and stormy: "You are pretty close to college age and have had this on spring break where some mistakes were made. Also, where’s your ID?"—u/ReiEvangel

13.Anything frozen and blended: "You're high maintenance and/or you're on vacation.
Apatow Productions—helenrg

14.Mojito: "If it's slow, hell yeah, great order. They're tasty! If the bar is busy, then there is a special place in hell for you."—u/Speakeasy9

15.Gin and tonic: "You're safe. You know that no matter where you go, it’s pretty hard for someone to fuck up your drink order.”
Spyglass Entertainment—u/grantthejester

16.The cheapest beer on tap: "You are a dying breed, possibly a working class hero."—u/Tel-aran-rhiod

17.Sex on the beach: "You're either a new younger drinker who doesn’t like the taste of alcohol or you're a mom in your 30s on a girls' night out."

18.Sazerac: "You went to New Orleans once and now you tell everyone it's your 'second home.'"—u/TrickBoom414

19.White Russian: "You don’t actually want alcohol but you’re at a bar with your friends and you sure as hell can’t order a milkshake."
Working Title Films—u/jgilbert682

20.Campari: "You're probably Italian and you have likely enjoyed wine with every meal since the age of 3."—u/escape1979uk

21.Double shot of whiskey neat and a water: "You're a good tipper, you won't bother anyone, and you'll somehow pack away three drinks and walk away sober as a saint."—u/frstyr101

22.Strawberry margarita: "Your favorite restaurant is The Cheesecake Factory."—u/Lower_H8r_esef

23.French 75: "You're definitely going to tell me about the last time you were in Paris."
Hulu—u/runningraleigh

24.The Last Word with mezcal instead of gin: "You're an edgy hipster who either works in the industry or you heard someone who works in the industry order this drink."—u/CUNTRY-BLUMPKIN

25.Negroni: "I trust you above anyone to behave at the bar."
Summit Entertainment—u/PleaseFeedTheBirds

26.Aperol Spritz: "You're a 20- to 30-year-old woman who will take photos with her colorful drink and the sunset."—u/FreedomPhighter

27.Fireball shots: "You're underage or a first-time drinker who can't wait to have an epic hangover story."
Universal Pictures—npk369

28.And finally, Jim Beam and 7Up: "You work in construction or have older relatives who do."—u/Speakeasy9
 
dikowt dowg said:
Chances are, you've never put much thought into your cocktail order. But have you ever wondered what the bartender is thinking when you ask for that spicy margarita or extra dirty martini? Well, redditor u/invertedparadX said, "Reply with your drink of choice and a bartender will tell you what it says about you; what is your drink?" Here's how bartenders stereotype different popular drink orders.

1.Jack and Coke: "You're a traditionalist, and as the night goes on you tend to increase the amount of Jack while cutting back on the Coke."
Warner Bros Pictures—u/ReiEvangel

2.A Manhattan: "A very respectable order. A classy drink that is easy to make. You know cocktails but you aren’t going to make things overly difficult."—u/jgilbert682

3.A fruity beer: "You're a girl who wants to impress her boyfriend but don't actually like beer."
20th Century Studios—cckj00n

4.Craft hard cider: "You're a woman in a comfortable, long-term relationship who got a babysitter for the evening (but you're not saying out too late!)"—u/peoplewholook

5.Malibu and pineapple juice: "You tend to cry after your second drink."—u/Lower_H8r_ese

6.Vodka soda with cranberry: "You care about calories more than your wallet and haven't yet met a Cosmopolitan."—u/Speakeasy9

7.Long Island iced tea: "You're a college student trying to get drunk as quickly as possible."
New Line Cinema—u/waitingfordeathhbu

8.Mimosa: "You’re wearing a maxi dress and full makeup. You exude luxury, but might have to check your bank accounts before choosing which credit card to pay your bill with. You will Venmo request $3.89 from each of your friends who ate off the shared plate that you ordered. By the second round, you’ll be speaking at 150% the volume of the next loudest patron. Or you’re in your early 20s and will tell your friends 'it doesn’t count as day drinking if it’s brunch!' You’ll all laugh; one of you will be puking by 4 p.m."
—u/livaudais

9.Whiskey sour: "A good and savvy choice for making a cheap whiskey taste nice."
Grey Goose—u/Speakeasy

10.Amaretto sour: "You probably are the one to hold your friends' hair back when they're puking at the end of the night."
—u/speakeasy9

11.Cosmopolitan: "You're almost certainly a pain in the ass."
HBO—u/thatguyfromnewyork

12.Dark and stormy: "You are pretty close to college age and have had this on spring break where some mistakes were made. Also, where’s your ID?"—u/ReiEvangel

13.Anything frozen and blended: "You're high maintenance and/or you're on vacation.
Apatow Productions—helenrg

14.Mojito: "If it's slow, hell yeah, great order. They're tasty! If the bar is busy, then there is a special place in hell for you."—u/Speakeasy9

15.Gin and tonic: "You're safe. You know that no matter where you go, it’s pretty hard for someone to fuck up your drink order.”
Spyglass Entertainment—u/grantthejester

16.The cheapest beer on tap: "You are a dying breed, possibly a working class hero."—u/Tel-aran-rhiod

17.Sex on the beach: "You're either a new younger drinker who doesn’t like the taste of alcohol or you're a mom in your 30s on a girls' night out."

18.Sazerac: "You went to New Orleans once and now you tell everyone it's your 'second home.'"—u/TrickBoom414

19.White Russian: "You don’t actually want alcohol but you’re at a bar with your friends and you sure as hell can’t order a milkshake."
Working Title Films—u/jgilbert682

20.Campari: "You're probably Italian and you have likely enjoyed wine with every meal since the age of 3."—u/escape1979uk

21.Double shot of whiskey neat and a water: "You're a good tipper, you won't bother anyone, and you'll somehow pack away three drinks and walk away sober as a saint."—u/frstyr101

22.Strawberry margarita: "Your favorite restaurant is The Cheesecake Factory."—u/Lower_H8r_esef

23.French 75: "You're definitely going to tell me about the last time you were in Paris."
Hulu—u/runningraleigh

24.The Last Word with mezcal instead of gin: "You're an edgy hipster who either works in the industry or you heard someone who works in the industry order this drink."—u/CUNTRY-BLUMPKIN

25.Negroni: "I trust you above anyone to behave at the bar."
Summit Entertainment—u/PleaseFeedTheBirds

26.Aperol Spritz: "You're a 20- to 30-year-old woman who will take photos with her colorful drink and the sunset."—u/FreedomPhighter

27.Fireball shots: "You're underage or a first-time drinker who can't wait to have an epic hangover story."
Universal Pictures—npk369

28.And finally, Jim Beam and 7Up: "You work in construction or have older relatives who do."—u/Speakeasy9
Click to expand...
Pretty much "on target"! :martini:
 
r and r vacation GIF
 

​


A woman, 50 years old, has some work done by a plastic surgeon and spends $15,000. She looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br>
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’

Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’

‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
 
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