Married life

For the love of everything Holy, never look a marriage councilor in the eyes and say, "I get it. Now when do we start working on her bullshit?" I don't advise saying the same to a psychiatrist unless you need some Thorazine.
 
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huskers1217 said:
Something breaks.

Wife: why didn’t you get it fixed
Me: I need to spend x amount to fix it
Wife; I don’t care. Fix it!!!

Next time

Wife: why did you spend x at home depot
Me: the thing broke so I got it fixed
Wife: we don’t have the money for you to fix everything


Next time

Me: hey. This thing broke and I’m headed to Home Depot to get a part
Wife: we can’t afford that. And why do you ask me for everything you buy

Me: *cracks open a beer

Wife: you’re an alcoholic
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Come talk to me once you start finding GPS tracking devices on the undercarriage of your car. Until then, you're fine buttercup.
 
Skerpokes said:
Come talk to me once you start finding GPS tracking devices on the undercarriage of your car. Until then, you're fine buttercup.
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huskers1217 said:
Have you heard of find my phone? Yeah. I’m tracked
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The wife and I have "find my phone" for each other and our offspring as long as we're paying for their phones. Being tracked by my wife is not a problem for me, the problem is she doesn't use that tool when appropriate. When she gets home from work and I'm not there, she becomes instantaneously and uncontrollably furious that I didn't tell her where I went - when she could've easily pulled up the app and she would've seen that I'm at my elderly grandfather's house - then she would've remembered I told her days ago that I was going to help him troubleshoot his printer. ...Instead, I get "where the fuck were you?!" with hostility cranked up to MAX the moment I step foot in the door.

Good times.
 
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