tOfficial Not really a Night Shift Thread v60, with less spicy sauce.

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BigRedMoe said:
Leonardo Dicaprio Calvin Candie GIF
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Fine. It's really very boring. Worse than bronchitis.
The first time involved an attempted murder/suicide by a mother deer and her child. I was driving home in the boonies and was perhaps going just over the speed limit. That murderous cunt appeared out of nowhere, to try to pin me for her crimes so I yanked the wheel and somehow ended up in a field after a couple pirouettes, completely unscathed, save for the bruises from the seatbelt. I wish I had the mental capacity to explain the logistics because I still can't, to this day, figure out how I ended up where I ended up. I went to the doctor about a week later, realizing that I could be bleeding internally & sech and not know it and as I explained it to him, he had this weird ass look on his face and said, "Wow. You must have someone looking out for you." My car frame was fucked and I had to donate it after that, but otherwise, I was fine, but he said I likely had a concussion from the jarring.

Second time involved a man-made floating island in the Caribbean, lots of alcohol, wet bare feet, dancing and ice cubes. Don't worry- the ice cubes weren't on the ground- I put them down a girl's bathing suit bottoms when she was giving me a lap dance. Did I mention alcohol? Anywho - the next day, my friend asked how my head was and I was like, "Umm? Fine. Why?"
"Umm... because you took a header on the island. Didn't spill a drop of your drink, but knocked your head pretty good."
"Did not. I remember falling, and this bruise is on my leg is going to be a doozy, but I didn't hit my head?"
"Yeah you did :heh: "
<touch the back of my head> "huh. Guess I did. Got a nice lump here. Fuck. Now I have CTE from all my concussions. Gonna have to kill a bitch soon."
 
moxie said:
Fine. It's really very boring. Worse than bronchitis.
The first time involved an attempted murder/suicide by a mother deer and her child. I was driving home in the boonies and was perhaps going just over the speed limit. That murderous cunt appeared out of nowhere, to try to pin me for her crimes so I yanked the wheel and somehow ended up in a field after a couple pirouettes, completely unscathed, save for the bruises from the seatbelt. I wish I had the mental capacity to explain the logistics because I still can't, to this day, figure out how I ended up where I ended up. I went to the doctor about a week later, realizing that I could be bleeding internally & sech and not know it and as I explained it to him, he had this weird ass look on his face and said, "Wow. You must have someone looking out for you." My car frame was fucked and I had to donate it after that, but otherwise, I was fine, but he said I likely had a concussion from the jarring.

Second time involved a man-made floating island in the Caribbean, lots of alcohol, wet bare feet, dancing and ice cubes. Don't worry- the ice cubes weren't on the ground- I put them down a girl's bathing suit bottoms when she was giving me a lap dance. Did I mention alcohol? Anywho - the next day, my friend asked how my head was and I was like, "Umm? Fine. Why?"
"Umm... because you took a header on the island. Didn't spill a drop of your drink, but knocked your head pretty good."
"Did not. I remember falling, and this bruise is on my leg is going to be a doozy, but I didn't hit my head?"
"Yeah you did :heh: "
<touch the back of my head> "huh. Guess I did. Got a nice lump here. Fuck. Now I have CTE from all my concussions. Gonna have to kill a bitch soon."
Click to expand...
Video or GTFO

PS- Deer are giant asshats
 
moxie said:
Fine. It's really very boring. Worse than bronchitis.
The first time involved an attempted murder/suicide by a mother deer and her child. I was driving home in the boonies and was perhaps going just over the speed limit. That murderous cunt appeared out of nowhere, to try to pin me for her crimes so I yanked the wheel and somehow ended up in a field after a couple pirouettes, completely unscathed, save for the bruises from the seatbelt. I wish I had the mental capacity to explain the logistics because I still can't, to this day, figure out how I ended up where I ended up. I went to the doctor about a week later, realizing that I could be bleeding internally & sech and not know it and as I explained it to him, he had this weird ass look on his face and said, "Wow. You must have someone looking out for you." My car frame was fucked and I had to donate it after that, but otherwise, I was fine, but he said I likely had a concussion from the jarring.

Second time involved a man-made floating island in the Caribbean, lots of alcohol, wet bare feet, dancing and ice cubes. Don't worry- the ice cubes weren't on the ground- I put them down a girl's bathing suit bottoms when she was giving me a lap dance. Did I mention alcohol? Anywho - the next day, my friend asked how my head was and I was like, "Umm? Fine. Why?"
"Umm... because you took a header on the island. Didn't spill a drop of your drink, but knocked your head pretty good."
"Did not. I remember falling, and this bruise is on my leg is going to be a doozy, but I didn't hit my head?"
"Yeah you did :heh: "
<touch the back of my head> "huh. Guess I did. Got a nice lump here. Fuck. Now I have CTE from all my concussions. Gonna have to kill a bitch soon."
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drunk crash GIF
 
BigRedMoe said:
Video or GTFO

PS- Deer are giant asshats
Click to expand...
She stood there...ahem... like a fucking deer in headlights. That bitch. After that, it was all slow motion. I honestly cannot figure out the science behind how my car did what it did. I was driving down that road a few days ago and I still marvel at it.

I was headed southbound as the round starts to bend. Probably 80 in a 40 or so? I yank the wheel left because that's the way the road is bending. My car flips over twice... that fucking slow motion shit is NUTS! I'm watching the grasses be upside down in my headlights and I'm thinking to myself - "RELAX!! It's when you tense up that you get hurt. GO LOOSE!!" So I let go of the steering wheel and just went limp. When I stopped moving, and realized I was right side up, I touched my face and head and nothing felt broken and I didn't feel any blood. I turned the ignition and it started so I tried to drive out (probably went 30+ feet into the field of mustard flowers), but it was stuck in mud. I had some papers in the back seat, so I shoved them under the tire to see if I could get traction, but nope. By that time, some dude is yelling at me from the edge of the field, asking if I need help, said he saw the whole thing and thought I might be dead. So I said yeah, he came over, gave me a little shove and I drove on out. The next day, I went out to my carport and the entire passenger side of the car was covered in yellow flowers, the window was shattered and the frame was bent. Couldn't find my phone, purse, credit cards, etc. so I started that car up again and drove back out there. My tracks were still fresh so I walked to where I landed and like I'd planted it or something, my purse was sitting upright with all my shit in it. oh, and my shoes, too. I had been out dancing that night and muh dogs were barking so I drove home barefoot. But everything that was on the passenger seat had just been sitting there in the field, waiting for me to retrieve it.
 
moxie said:
She stood there...ahem... like a fucking deer in headlights. That bitch. After that, it was all slow motion. I honestly cannot figure out the science behind how my car did what it did. I was driving down that road a few days ago and I still marvel at it.

I was headed southbound as the round starts to bend. Probably 80 in a 40 or so? I yank the wheel left because that's the way the road is bending. My car flips over twice... that fucking slow motion shit is NUTS! I'm watching the grasses be upside down in my headlights and I'm thinking to myself - "RELAX!! It's when you tense up that you get hurt. GO LOOSE!!" So I let go of the steering wheel and just went limp. When I stopped moving, and realized I was right side up, I touched my face and head and nothing felt broken and I didn't feel any blood. I turned the ignition and it started so I tried to drive out (probably went 30+ feet into the field of mustard flowers), but it was stuck in mud. I had some papers in the back seat, so I shoved them under the tire to see if I could get traction, but nope. By that time, some dude is yelling at me from the edge of the field, asking if I need help, said he saw the whole thing and thought I might be dead. So I said yeah, he came over, gave me a little shove and I drove on out. The next day, I went out to my carport and the entire passenger side of the car was covered in yellow flowers, the window was shattered and the frame was bent. Couldn't find my phone, purse, credit cards, etc. so I started that car up again and drove back out there. My tracks were still fresh so I walked to where I landed and like I'd planted it or something, my purse was sitting upright with all my shit in it. oh, and my shoes, too. I had been out dancing that night and muh dogs were barking so I drove home barefoot. But everything that was on the passenger seat had just been sitting there in the field, waiting for me to retrieve it.
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No actual contact with deer? No airbag deployment?
Growing up I was always told you don't avoid those MFers, you put them in the cross hairs and just take the damage. Until I read a story about the family in the minivan on I-70 that did that. The Dad who was driving was decapitated when the antlers came through the windshield.... :shocked:
Now my plan is to glance that MFer off the quarter panel.
 
BigRedMoe said:
No actual contact with deer? No airbag deployment?
Growing up I was always told you don't avoid those MFers, you put them in the cross hairs and just take the damage. Until I read a story about the family in the minivan on I-70 that did that. The Dad who was driving was decapitated when the antlers came through the windshield.... :shocked:
Click to expand...
No contact... I was in a little car and apparently I am a flight vs. fight person and didn't want to crunch into a 300? 500? lb beast and her kid :laugh: I yanked that wheel so hard, that's why I think the passenger side hit the ground first. Was airborne for the first roll, hit the passenger side, breaking the window, rolled one more time due to momentum, then luckily landed right side up. Nothing hit the front of the car, probably why no airbag deployment.
 
moxie said:
Do we really need to get into the details of these things? Just know that I am concussed and I deserve deference from here on out.
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My middle daughter concussed herself with her own leg last week. Broke her orbital bone in four places as well.
 
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