Just sharing cause it made me chortle

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over,

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”

“Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.”

“Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop.

“Well," Jim says, "because I’m drunk!”
 
douggie said:
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over,

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”

“Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.”

“Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop.

“Well," Jim says, "because I’m drunk!”
Click to expand...


Reminds me of the time I was caught drinking and driving....Cop said step out of the car.

I said I can't, I'm drunk. Why don't you just get in, and gestured towards the passenger seat.

I went to jail....


True story Bro!
 
How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
 
douggie said:
How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
Click to expand...
ben giroux close call GIF


That was close!
 
"Hey, check out this snake I just caught!"

 
Peter Gozintite said:
www.barstoolsports.com

Wild Video Of A Grandma Chasing Down And TOSSING A Dude Who Tried To Steal Her Purse

I am being 100% serious when I say I genuinely cannot think of a more embarrassing series of events if you're a thief. Not only is your victim three times your age, she's twice as fast and six times a...
www.barstoolsports.com www.barstoolsports.com
Click to expand...
haha...that dude was light jogging. :lol:


Fer real doe, maybe like 10 years ago, my grandparents were in Vegas seeing the sites, and some fuck ripped my late-70's year old grandmother to the ground for her purse. My grandpa fucking LAID OUT for this cunt, and he just got away.

Some dude witnessed it and bless his heart, followed the perp in his car while calling the cops.

My gramps got one leg almost 2 inches shorter than the other from breaking his hip when he was younger.

Both are still rocking strong in their upper 80's.
 
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