Just sharing cause it made me chortle

On his 50th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, “This is powerful medicine.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.’
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the wise medicine man and as he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!”
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because you end up with a dangling participle.
 
Guy goes into to a bar and orders a beer. He sees a sign that reads,"Worlds best Hand Jobs $50"

So he asks the bartender about the sign, and says,"%0 seems pricey for a hand job"

Bartender says," its the best in the world, you get what you pay for. I bought this bar with all the Hand jobs I have done. "

So the guy agrees to see what its all about. The bartender lead the man to a small hotel behind the bar and gives him the most tow curling hand job he has ever had. Afterwards he says," Holy shit that great!"

Bartender says," if you think that was good, I give the best blow job in the world for $500.00"

"Thats way too expensive for BJ"

"Its the best in the world, and I bought this hotel with all the money I made from the BJs."

Dude says "fuck it, lets do it" and hands her $500 cash.

After getting his dick, and mind, blown he lays there in e post coital bliss, and says" That was unreal. I just have GOT to see what that pussy is like now! How much!"

Bartender," Pussy? Shit, if I had a pussy I'd own the fucking block by now!"
 

the league television GIF by hero0fwar
 
You mf'ers know some shorter jokes?

Asking fo a friend...
 
There once was a lad from Leeds
 
Freddie kitchens looks like a guy that takes a bite of a cookie, realizes the cookie is a dog biscuit, shrugs his shoulders, and finishes the "cookie"


Kinda looks like me lately....












Damn this quarantine!
 
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